Life's Changes...

Thursday morning began as usual - up at 5:10; shower, leave to work for the day. Get to work at 6:30, clean office for first hour. Make cup of coffee, sit down at desk and check e-mails. Supervisor comes in, and gets to work. I begin printing Payroll Reports from this last week's ended payroll cycle. Its about 8:00 when I see my boss, the CFO has arrived. Supervisor goes upstairs to his office, normal. I find it funny that no other co-workers are here yet, but continue printing reports. Half an hour later, CFO and Supervisor come in the door. I said hello to CFO, whom I hadnt seen in a few weeks due to unforeseen family issues. He doesnt meet my chipper morning offering, but asked to see me in the conference room. I was informed my employment had been terminated, and a brief letter was slid across the table into my hands. I read the letter, but the blood had drained from my head, arms and legs. I began to shake. I didnt comprehend what I was reading. In a daze, I sat back at my desk and finished printing the reports. Soon I was met by the Supervisor again asking when I was leaving. "After these reports are finished" I replied. "You know, I've done this before, and usually when someone's employment is terminated they dont go back to work." "I know," I responded, "but the reports are almost done, and it helps me process...unless I'm not aloud to anymore!" I quickly added, realizing maybe they were now concerned about the sensitive information I was processing.

I packed up my belongings, filling my schoolbag and purse to their limits. "Mhmm, by now" the Supervisor said as he closed the door on my heels. The blood was still missing from my limbs and brain as I walked across the street to my truck, and loaded my contents into it. All I could think of was telling Boyfriend what happened, and going next door to the police department where his Mother works.

I waited for her to see me, and began to cry in the waiting room. The sharp realization hit me, and it hit me hard. She swung the door open and the cheerful smile on her face vanished quickly as she saw I was distraught. I told her everything, and she helped me apply for unemployment online, and said she would let me know if anything opened up within the City. Boyfriend was texting me rapid-fire, wanting me to call him. I would as soon as I caught my brain again.

I went to the bank to cash my final check. Tears welling in my eyes again. I drove in silence to the barn, and finally was able to talk to Boyfriend as I groomed Milo in the cross ties.

I was absolutely blindsided by this. I had never received any negative feedback from either the CFO or Supervisor. I had just been sent to a User Group Meeting just three weeks prior to be prepared for this summer's benefits enrollment for our contracted employees. July was coming up with reviews and promotions. CFO knew intricate details on the financial burdens both Boyfriend and I were facing. He knew about Boyfriend's job ending in a matter of months, weeks, or days, as the company he works for is deciding to close. He knows that I needed to get a loan for a new vehicle, as my F150 is on its last legs at 220,000 miles. He knew that I had just started going back to school, and promised ripe rewards at work after attaining my degree. The company is a family owned business, who stated that they held employee's happiness and welfare above all. Why was I not seeing this now?

I tried to calm down, and I looked into my horse's big soft eyes. He knew I was hurting. I thought it might be ludicrous to try and ride in my emotionally unstable position, but I tacked him up and led him to the arena. I wanted to try some of the new exercises I had read about in Peggy's book. On the ground, I incorporated cheek press, cheek delineation, caterpillars, and shoulder delineation. Milo was relaxing, and I was in a neutral posture. I was focusing on myself and my horse and for the entire time I was with Milo, the crisis that just happened in my life had slipped from my memory. I had a wonderful ride.

I cleaned the pastures, not sure when I would be at the barn again. With Milo boarded 45 minutes away from my house, it makes it hard to visit when I need to consolidate my gas now. All this extra time on my hands now, and I cant even spend it with my horse.

After getting home and updating my resume and cover letter, I cranked out seven applications that evening, and learned of a walk-in resume acceptance happening on Monday at one location. Guess I know what Im doing Monday at least. This morning, I applied to three more locations, and am still on the hunt. I took a break and took Angie to the lake down the road, trying to enjoy the solidity of the quiet park, as I watched the waves of the lake slowly lap on the sand. I zoned out for a little while. Soon it started to rain, so we made our way back home.

I checked the mailbox this afternoon to find a large package with a return address of my old job's PO Box. I didnt want to open it. But inside where some of the belonging I had forgotten there - a calendar with photos featuring Milo I had on the wall behind my desk, bringing my favorite thing in the world to the office with me every day. I had also left a State Line Tack catalog, earphones, and my copies of my employee paperwork. Seeing the company's logo on the folder made me ache inside, and I hid them behind the calendar.

But where things end, others begin. In the mail I also received an envelope from the College. In it was a letter depicting a congratulatory message that I was being awarded a scholarship for next year's classes. That did put a smile on my face.

I just need to put one foot in front of the other now, and believe that I can change my life again. This can only be for the better. I now have over a year of experience in a field I had not yet explored. I met a lot of important people involved with contracts here locally, and even found one that was hiring. If I think I can, I can make it happen. I have to stay positive, and believe that I can control my future.